Eternal Love
by albe-chan
Summary: Remus can't take Sirius saying those three pivotal words to him. He wants with all his heart to believe them, but can he really trust the reformed playboy? If he gives Sirius his heart, will it get broken? ONESHOT. SLASH. SEX. RLSB. MATURE.


**Eternal Love**

**DISCLAIMER: **I do NOT own Harry Potter, or any of the characters mentioned in this story, unless stated otherwise. Rated for some sexual content, violence and language. Any similarities to real life are purely coincidence and I will not be held responsible! Thanks!

_**WARNING:**_ WILL CONTAIN SLASH (male on male)!! Ye be warned

**Author's Note: **hmm…just a little idea that caught my fancy… I hope you like it… this also happens to be letter 'E' on my fan-fiction-ing of the alphabet. 'You've proven to be such a fabulous liar!' Cheers!

PS. – I found this semi-started fic on my computer and since I'm fairly positive nothing ever came of it, I've decided to make it something worthwhile instead of a memory-user-upper.

XXX

"I love you."

"Stop saying that!" said Remus Lupin, looking distraught.

"Why?" asked Sirius Black, his not-boyfriend-because-that-would-be-wrong-and-he-definitely-wasn't-a-pouf.

"Because." Remus rarely used this excuse, but Sirius always managed to bring out the worst in him. …And the best, but that wasn't the point. The point was, there was _no_ way in hell that Sirius was being serious in saying he loved him. And if he was, it wasn't in the way Remus secretly wanted it to be.

"That doesn't count. And unless I get a decent excuse to _not_ say it, then I'm going to keep saying it," Sirius replied loftily. He leaned toward the lupine boy and pressed the curve of his lips against the delicate shell of ear, his breath making Remus shiver. "I love you."

"You can't say it because…because…we both know you don't mean it!" said Remus in a rush, clapping a hand over his mouth as soon as the words had left it.

"How do you know I don't mean it?" asked Sirius, looking slightly hurt.

"I…well…it's just…"

"Mooney will you just spit it out already?"

"Because you've probably said it to loads of people after you've fucked them!" Again, Remus' hands flew to his mouth, and he cursed himself mentally for falling into the trap of answering Sirius. He should just Silencio himself now before he said something _really_ stupid…

Sirius looked really hurt now, and after gaping a moment, his mouth snapped shut into a firm little line. "I thought you were smarter than to believe what people tell you Remus," he said coolly, throwing the blankets off of himself and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He was just bending to gather up his clothes, when he heard Remus sigh hugely, and felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't go Padfoot…" Remus said softly, feeling bad for what he'd said. "I didn't mean it like that…"

"Then how _did_ you mean it?" Sirius demanded, looking back over his shoulder.

"I…I don't know…" Remus admitted, and Sirius looked on the verge of getting out of bed again. "But…I mean I can't help the way I feel, Sirius," he said imploringly. "You do have a bit of a reputation…"

Sirius sighed now, and got back under the covers with Remus. "How many times," he murmured, clutching Remus' face in his hands gently and pressing their foreheads together, "do I have to tell you I'm not the same old Sirius? _I love you_!"

"But I…I just don't know if I can believe you," Remus whispered back, unable to meet his friend's eyes. Sirius sighed again and pressed their mouths together, soft and tender and completely unlike any other time Sirius had kissed him.

"You can be so thick sometimes Remus… What if I told you you're one of my best friends? Could you believe that?"

"Yes," said Remus. "But that's rather different than you _loving_ me."

"Remus, if I didn't love you, do you honestly think I would still be here, debating the fact with you? D'you think I'd care?"

There was too much reason in this to argue, so Remus simply disregarded it. If he was honest with himself, he _did_ believe Sirius loved him. It was just that he was afraid to admit that he loved Sirius just as much, in much the same way, that had him shying away from those three words his friend-turned-lover kept foisting upon him.

"Can we please just drop this Sirius?" Remus asked quietly, not sure how much longer he could keep dodging Sirius' sharp mind and shrewd questions.

"Just answer me that, Remus. If I didn't love you, d'you think I'd still be here, in this bed with you, when it's been a good…half hour since we shagged?" Remus was blushing, and mumbled something the Animagus didn't catch. "What was that?"

"I said no!" Remus cried. "I'm…I just…I _want_ to believe you Sirius, I want to believe you're in love with me or whatever, but…but I'm scared."

"Of what?" Sirius asked, looking incredulous. In his mind, Mooney was being _quite_ thick on the whole matter; why couldn't he just accept that Sirius was smitten with him (as anyone who'd spent more than ten minutes in Remus' company would surely be)?

Remus opened his mouth to speak, but then shook his head. "Never mind, forget it."

"No, tell me," Sirius persisted.

"I said forget it," Remus repeated, his voice now sharper. "Just… I'm going to go to sleep." He rolled over, pulling the blanket up over himself. Sirius, who really didn't want to leave, hesitated, indecisive for a moment, then with a strong feeling that he might be pushing his luck, slid into the covers himself, spooning against Remus, one arm snaking around his waist.

"Night Mooney," he said softly, highly aware of the fact his nakedness was pressed firmly against Remus' own clothes-free form.

"Goodnight Padfoot," Remus replied quietly, unable to suppress the grin that formed on his mouth. He might not have the balls to admit it, but he rather liked the feeling of being in Sirius' arms. And feeling happier than he had in ages, unconsciousness stole over him, and he fell asleep.

Sirius, however, lay awake for what felt to him like hours. He couldn't stop his mind from wandering back again and again to what Remus had been about to say. What could he possibly be scared of? Him? No…if Remus were scared of him, he would have told Sirius to get out of his bed, right? Right. Then what could it possibly be?

He tried to push the thoughts away, but they came back against all odds. Was Remus afraid of what people might think of him if they took the plunge and went for that 'relationship' status? This was a possibility, but it seemed ludicrous to Sirius that Remus wouldn't have just said it… It had to be something deeper then… Maybe the lycan just didn't want to be with him and couldn't bring himself to break his friend's heart like that… Again, plausible, but Sirius was sure that if Remus hadn't felt anything toward him they never would have gotten as far in as they now were.

But then what could it _be_? He lay awake until his eyes began to burn from lack of sleep, trying to riddle out the puzzle his lover had set him, but to no avail, and finally, exhausted, he succumbed to the urge to sleep, arms tightening around Remus. He would _prove_ to Remus that he loved him, really and truly. And what was more, he would find out what Remus was afraid of, and he'd help his love get through it.

XXX

Day broke around the castle and the sun filtered merrily in through the dormitory windows. Remus, who had been awake for ages, simply lay in bed, not caring that he was stiff from not moving all night, or that he was still naked, or even that James or Peter might wake up and question him as to why Sirius was lying in his bed, wrapped around him. He was too content, lying with the boy he secretly adored more than anyone else. He could both feel and hear Padfoot's steady breathing behind him and wondered what it would be like to be Sirius' boyfriend.

He knew that he would instantly become the target of a large portion of the school's female population, but that didn't really matter to him. He knew also that many would shun him, call him a freak behind his back, for being openly homosexual, but again, that was really the least of his worries. The only thing holding him back from telling his longtime friend and newfound lover that he wanted to be an item was the knowledge that Sirius had a dark past of broken hearts, and he cared too deeply for him to become one of them.

He was scared that if he put his heart out, Sirius would (unintentionally he was sure) break it. Sure, Padfoot said he loved him now, but would he say the same thing a week from now? A month? A year? Remus wanted forever with Sirius, and he didn't think he could bear it if he put all his energies into cultivating and maintaining a relationship that might not last forever. Being the logical person he was, he knew that to deny Padfoot again and again of what he said he wanted would make him more likely to leave him in the end, but it would be less painful that way. Or at least he told himself as much.

And there was his dilemma. Did he put his heart, feelings and emotions on the line and commit himself to a playboy who claimed he'd reformed, or did he hold back and wait for the day when Sirius would move on, never telling him he loved him? It was maddening, and as much as he wanted an answer, he knew that he was the only one who could answer it. Sighing, he rolled over gently, trying not to wake his bedmate, only to find Sirius staring at him through over-tired, bright silver eyes. "Padfoot!" he whispered in surprise. "I didn't know you were awake…"

Sirius smiled fleetingly. "Couldn't sleep…what're you up so early for?"

Remus shrugged. "Same reason." They stared at one another for several long minutes. "Padfoot?"

"Hmm?" the Animagus asked, shifting closer to Remus to hold more of him.

"Have…has your heart ever wanted to do something, but your head said not to do it?" Sirius looked puzzled. "I mean like…have you ever had to make a choice where you knew there was a chance you might get hurt, but you still wanted to do it, because it might mean you'd be happy at least for a little while?"

Sirius, who continued to look puzzled, replied slowly, "I think so, yeah."

"And what did you do?"

"I followed my heart, because even being happy for a bit was better than never being happy at all." Then suddenly, like the sun bursting dazzlingly from behind a cloud, Sirius understood what Remus was trying to get at. At last he had the answer to the riddle. "Remus," he said quietly, hoping he wouldn't scare the lycan off with the question, "are you…are you asking me this because of…is this what you were talking about last night?"

Remus felt as though his heart had stopped beating for half a second. He forced his face into a mask of indifference. "What makes you say that?" he asked levelly. It couldn't have been more of a give away to Sirius.

"Because…well you said you were scared of something…and… Are you afraid that if you say you love me back, I'll break your heart, Mooney?"

Remus cursed inside his brain. Damn Padfoot for being so intuitive and smart! Damn him right to hell… Then again, Remus had always known it would only be a matter of time before Sirius riddled it out…he _had, _after all, figured out Remus was a werewolf in second-year and that he fancied blokes the year before. Sighing hugely, he nodded, unable to meet Sirius' piercing eyes in the unforgiving morning light.

"Oh Remus!" Sirius exclaimed, pulling him completely flush against his chest. "You great big silly ponce you… You really are infuriating sometimes, you know that?" Remus looked up, about to retort, but Sirius pressed their mouths together, and he was effectively cut off. "Remus, I thought you knew me enough to know that if I love someone, I never leave them…"

Remus looked away again, feeling slightly guilty now. Sirius _had _said that, and knowing what he knew of his lover's childhood and home-life, he'd believed it sincerely. "I know you do Paddy, I really do, but…I'm just scared. I mean…you've left a lot of people before and…and I don't…want to be one of them," he finished in a tortured whisper. His guilt was like a second skin, and he hated himself for being unable to trust one of his closest friends.

"I understand, baby," Sirius murmured softly. "I understand completely, and while there's nothing I can do to change what's happened, I can change what's _going_ to happen. And y'know what?"

"What?" Remus replied, finding the courage to look into Sirius' eyes again and seeing only love and kindness reflected back at him.

"I promise you, on pain of death, that I will never, ever leave you Remus. I love you…forever. Besides, I can almost _guarantee_ that you're going to get sick of me before I ever get sick of you."

Remus smiled grudgingly, and took a deep breath. "I can't say I believe you," he said slowly, and Padfoot's face crumbled slightly, "however," he continued, "I can say that I'd have to be mad to let you slip away. So what I'm _really_ trying to say is…I…I love you Sirius."

Sirius smiled, a thousand and one watts of pure joy crammed into a smattering of perfect pearly whites. "I love you too, Remus." Their lips met and their arms snaked around one another, both hungry to seal their unspoken deal.

Panting and hard, with their arousal burning white hot through their veins, neither gave any thought to the fact they weren't alone in the room. So naturally, when Remus moaned lustily as Sirius slid the entirety of his engorged cock into the lycan's arse, James and Peter sat up sleepily, muttering incoherently.

"What in the bloody hell are you two doing!?" James Potter cried, immediately shielding his eyes from the sight of two of his best mates shagging.

"I'm trying to prove to Remus my eternal love!" Sirius replied, as Remus could only moan incoherently beneath him. "So sod off, will you?"

XXX

**Author's Note: **now don't we all love lemon-scented fluff? I know I do…HENCE why this came out! LOL. But yeah, please review darlings, and…and it'll make my day! Heh. That's it. 'Prepare for WAAARRR!!!' Cheers!!

PS. – Does it make me a bad person if I lied to one of those people who come round talking about religion (and trying to convert you) and gave him a fake address and phone number just so I could check him out 'cause he was really hot? I hope not… No offence to anyone, but I'm not very religious…I like sinning and I'm good at it…and he looked like the dude who plays Anakin in Star Wars episodes two and three!! …I'm going to hell, aren't I? Yeah, I thought so.


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